I still am unlearning the difference between correcting my flaws,

And just doing something that brings me inner peace

Take me back to the time when a pandemic was an obscure word hidden away in the pages of history, not on the tip of our tongues

A time when embracing loved ones was not dangerous

A time when the only thing that we worried about was meeting deadlines

I am not the person I once was,

I wonder how she’s doing now

I think about her often,

What would’ve been,

What should’ve been.

I pluck the thorns encasing the roses of my old self,

I lay it on her grave.

I scribble incoherent memories on her epitaph.

I mourn for the life I once had,

I mourn for the relationships

with their chapters unfinished,

The ink stains that held cherished moments,

Dried up with time

I have a lot to live without,

From countless sleepless nights in two years.

In isolation,

I learned to appreciate the simple things.

The shared glances through screens,

An understanding that runs bone deep.

Countless hours spent discussing our favourite books, our favourite movies

Our escape from reality

The whispers of hope, of assurance

The only sense of stability in the ever-changing world of love and loss.

The world where everything changes to the point where the only thing that remains the same is the scarlet running through your veins,

A symphony of echoing heartbeats as we join together.

It’s me

It’s them

It’s us.

I miss them when they’re right next to me,

I miss them when we drift apart

I miss the possibilities of exploring the world and the endless choices.

I fear that limited time is the only comfort and jeopardy we have.

Alas, time is the one thing we desire.

For it to wait for us to catch up,

For it to slow down as lovers dance under the moonlight

For it to be merciful, to allow us to embrace our people for a single moment longer.

For as cruel and indulgent as time is,

It has taught me to be fearless, to be compassionate, to be more vulnerable.

I am a mosaic of every single version of myself that has existed,

I am a mosaic of everyone I hold close to my soul.

I am not who I once was,

But I hope she’s happy for us.

I plant daffodils in her honour.

About The Poet

I’m Kashika Thakwani, studying in year 12 at Al Diyafah High School. A little about myself, I have an interest in reading, baking and music. When the topic was given to me, the first thought I had was about grief. Grief is a volatile thing, but it is also love and care in its most raw form. It allows us to be expressive and compassionate. Grief is something many are familiar with unfortunately; the loss of loved ones, the loss of an older version of yourself. I wanted to capture this emotion and put it into words.